I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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