i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize