I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think my moral compass just broke
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
