my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
