I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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