she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
