if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
