Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
