I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
