sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
