I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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