I wish I only lived at night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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