Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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