my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
