We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Everclear isn't food dammit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
