What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
