I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize