Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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