I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
