I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize