Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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