Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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