It's like God shit irony all over that family
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So much Jack, so little girl.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize