Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
