i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
