im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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