How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if only i could text you this smell
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
