I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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