Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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