your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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