Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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