Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
