You made me cry and you don't even care
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
