I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
