I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize