dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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