i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
