you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
