you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
