your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
