i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
