Where did you get a picture of my penis
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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