god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
