Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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