Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
