So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
