My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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