my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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