already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's always time for handjobs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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