just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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