mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
