i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
