You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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