dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's the barista slut.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
