There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
