So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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