your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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