If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
These tits shall not be calmed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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