You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
