just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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