Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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