you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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