420 ftw
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
