Whod you bang
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
