If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
