She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
