You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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