I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
