i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
