She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
