FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize