Non-Jews are for practice
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
