Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
