i would punch a child for taco bell
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
