Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
