Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
