so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
