dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
