I will die if light touches me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
